I would argue that the causes are frequently multifactorial, with hating women being a bidirectional causal relationship. That is, failing to find a date, being dumped, or otherwise rejected may come before hating women. Once they start hating women, it becomes ever more difficult to find dates because they refuse to engage in activities for finding dates.
However, we must note that some men are misogynistic while still having a SO that are of the opposite gender, so clearly misogyny isn't a complete barrier against being in a relationship.
But I'm scared to think what would've happened if I would never have found those websites. I'm scared to think what would've happened if I gave up after 2 years of constant rejection (and I've seen this as a close friend quit, and now we're 14 years further along and he still has dating issues - he's finally fixing them). I'm scared to think if the advice would never land.
In any of these 3 stages, I think incels are coming into existence. And I know how I'd feel, because I remember how I felt when I was 16. I'd feel cheated out of life. I'd feel unheard. I'd feel worthless. I'd feel life is worthless. Maybe I'd feel differently as an adult, but the problem is that by that point you're growing into this form of suffering.
Other than incels, there are many people (men and women - it's not only men) who don't quite feel like that but feel somewhat close to that form of frustration and hopelessness.
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The yearning for romance is strong. Here are my two cents if you wanna improve your chances:
1. Volume * conversion. My conversion is low (1%), so I need high volume. If I want someone to find me attractive, I need to go up to and talk to 100 women with serious intent.
2. Attraction: use imaginative playfulness. If you love to imagine stuff, answer some serious questions with your imagination instead. Like if someone asks you "what do you do?" you can tell them "I'm the earth's therapist, and let me tell ya, it's not looking good." or "I teach alpaca's Japanese." or "I'm building a rollercoaster out of cheese for mice. It's the most friendly mouse trap known to mankind."
3. Vulnerability: dare to say where you'd like to go with her. Do this after you feel that the atmosphere/vibe between the two of you feels fun. At the end of a first date, if I want to kiss her, I ask. There's a lot of advice on "physical escalation". I've recently found (I was recently single again in a long time) that you don't need to "physically escalate". Two-thirds of the women I was on a date with and wanted to kiss, they wanted to kiss me back.
If you want to have a discussion about it, feel free to email me (in my profile). I've seen quite a few friends that are stuck and they are like me and really don't have to be stuck.
But then you didn't hate women - in fact, you managed to be funny and playful with them, in a way that translates quite well to the romance context. See the difference? This is where the incel goes off track.
But let me pose the problem back to you. Can you imagine how you'd act if you'd feel worthless?
When I feel and think that question through, I'm scared by the answer.
That's the key, it's the only two variables that matters. However, this is also the reason why it's hard for a lot of men to get a mate:
Number of interactions IRL is harder and harder to get with the cultural shift to online apps and the demonization of male appraoch and behavior ("sexual harassment", "male gaze", "toxic masculinity"). And voicing about being single is associated with negative traits such as being misogynistic to the point research paper are published...
Then regarding the conversion rate, when in the low single digit, it's rapidly hard to get motivated after facing dozens or hundreds of rejection.
It is but it is not as hard as one might think. One needs to double down on being respectful. Also, do note that this is more of a thing in the US than in Europe. It's also a thing in Europe, but the US is simply more extreme. But even in the US women were pretty chill. The biggest thing you need to simultaneously show (alongside attractive traits) is that you're reasonable and respectful.
I agree it's hard to get motivated. I've had the good fortune that I worked on this when I was young. So even when I get rejected a lot if I'd be dating right now (2 years ago was the last time), I'd still carry on.
I think people in general look at rejection the wrong way. Rejection should be observed ("oh this person doesn't want this, alright"), not interpreted ("I knew it, I suck and am unattractive, duh!").
It's silly to expanding your potential dating option to million of complete strangers. Start building a network of maybe 300-400 individuals, some of which are potential partners. Some will simply be friends, teammates, etc.
Remember, dating is not an interview or a resume. You are not showing off how good you are with a bunch of impersonal details online like what school you went to, your favorites hobbies etc. Nobody cares about that. Meet people and see how they vibes with you.
This! In my experience, doing this helps against other phobias (xenophobia, homophobia etc.) as well...
You clearly have never heard the phrase quantity drives quality. You can’t be selective if nobody wants you, so casting a wider net gets you more fish. That’s true in anything whether it would be business, dating, etc. I don’t know why this is mind blowing to you.