Dying people explain what matters | Hacker News Reader

Dying people explain what matters

theguardian.com

39 pointspseudolus15 comments

> They’ve taken me snorkelling in the Maldives, hot-air ballooning over Cappadocia and snowmobiling in Iceland. We’ve stayed in a cave hotel, seen the pyramids, the Colosseum, and flown in a helicopter over New York. We’ve hand-fed tigers, taken the Rocky Mountaineer train, been paragliding and seen the tulip fields of Holland.

More like rich dying people explain what matters?

After having done alot of this type of stuff when I was younger... this stuff is kinda like fast food for the soul. Fun in the moment but forgettable.

I get way more enjoyment out of spending simple time with people I've known my whole life and their families, with volunteering and helping other people.

art and music architecture, the stars, etc.

Maybe people are different. My fondest memory is spending ten days exploring Iceland with a group of friends. Yes, it was good because of the friends, but it was good because of the trip too.

I don't know many people who say "yeah I've seen the Northern Lights and felt awe at the beauty of nature, but that's nothing compared to the day I hung out with my family".

It reminds me of the Netflix series “Carol and the End of the World”. Upon realizing the world is ending, some people go nuts and travel the world and join cults and run theough their bucket list. But the main character just wants to live a normal life with friends, eat at Applebees, and make connections with her coworkers. Neither is painted as being better than the other, just different approaches to mortality.

Let's just head on down to the Winchester have a couple of pints until this whole thing blows over.

Don't forget your towel!

Exploring iceland for 10 days though is a potentially more involved and less inherently luxurious activity than paying $6-12k on a train ticket to be served high-end food while watching beautiful scenery go by, or whatever it cost to have someone fly you in a helicopter over NY. Those specific kinds of activities are realistically only within the realm of considerable value for people who are either rich or that have connections, because normal people would save up for any other kind of trip knowing they'll derive more from the culmination of expenses and intangible things that won't necessarily show up in the checkout process.

I know such people. They can be way more common than you think. Maybe even they are what's normal for a human, not you or me. My fondest memory is exploring Thailand alone :shrug:

Yes I think that people remember certain experiences well, especially if they are with certain loved ones that they felt connected to. I think it is not just dying people who think of these things, since the living should think of these grateful moments too

My kids definitely form stronger and fonder memories from vacations than from more mundane days together.

I think the break from routine and generally more pleasant setting alone is a big factor, so even just taking them to a national park or the beach probably covers a lot of ground vs helicopter rides.

That said, I did a helicopter ride in my 20s and it was pretty amazing and I have vivid recollection even 20 years later

> My kids definitely form stronger and fonder memories from vacations than from more mundane days together.

Honestly this is really sad to hear. I think you need to work on how you treat your kids during the "mundane days".

It might be the age of the kids; it's tough to snap older kids out of their disinterest in their parents, but vacations add leverage. I don't have experience with older kids, but I was told this recently by some parents.

I mean mundane days we both are working, have household chores that run endlessly, and have to cajole kids to do their homework and chores etc.

Maybe a staycation where we ignore the laundry and dirty dishes and just hang out on the deck would be fun? But seems a bit like squandering vacation days…

Was reflecting on this, and my kids actually do have a fond memory of pandemic lockdown. We spent a lot of time watching movies, board games, and local hikes and I think it made a decent memory out of a hard time (meanwhile we we going crazy working in the hours they were asleep or occupied with virtual school, etc — but kids have mostly fond memories of the time).

Is this just a factor of how the human brain works? My wife has stage 4 cancer and one of my strategies to help my kids have more memories is to build uniqueness into our activities, so years from now they can go, do you remember that time we went to x or did y with Mom? I think the human brain is much better at recalling unique events - whether they are bad or good

Human connection and fulfilling work.

Having read the article, it seems that once you’ve had a diagnosis there tends to be urgency to act, to live large, to do things you might otherwise have declined to do, to remove inhibitions that prevent you from experiencing all life has to offer in your remaining time.

Essentially long term living priorities changes to short term.

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