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Just use Emacs with Vim bindings (evil-mode) then ;)

I'm a big fan of Emacs and evil-mode, but I wouldn't say it qualifies as "no-nonsense". :-)

It took me the better part of a weekend to get Doom Emacs (which defaults to evil-mode) working on par with VSCode.

That's very true, I would never call Emacs "no nonsense" at any point haha