The 'Flying Carpet' - The fastest way to fill a plane

One thing which this (and a lot of boarding systems) ignore is that high-revenue customers for airlines demand preferential treatment

If I'm a frequent flyer, regardless of whether i'm sitting in coach or first class, i'm going to expect to be seated first so I don't have to wait in line and can be sure I get a space in the overhead bin. Airlines (like southwest) who don't provide this lose out on business travelers who book last minute, full-fare tickets -- and major carriers who rely on this revenue will be reluctant to switch to systems which don't account for this.

Ever single boarding time research project I've seen ignores one simple truth that anyone who flies notices immediately:

Most people don't care about the order, they just clump to get into their seat first. They ignore the zone / rows / etc called by the gate person and I've yet to see a single gate person tell someone they have to wait because their zone / row / etc hasn't been called yet.

People already treat air travel as a necessary evil, I don't see any possible way how they would agree to this kind of boarding pattern.

That's a nice idea, but row boarding doesn't allow couples or families - obviously wanting to sit together in a "column" ("row")? eventually - to stay together during the boarding process. This could be especially difficult if there are parents with young children.

phys.org had an article with some research on optimal plane boarding [1] describing what seems to be another alternative, sadly sans the infomercial.

One thing I find curious about all of these is that they assume back-to-front as the baseline. I've never ever seen a plane being boarded in something resembling an ideal back-to-front. On most flights it's basically a random pounce where the stewards try to keep some sequence but usually fail. I tend to have a small carry on and just sit it out until most everybody has boarded, regardless of my seating.

[1] http://phys.org/news122215582.html

On Southwest Airlines I often sit on the plane waiting for baggage loading.

That's no assigned seats + more checked baggage since it's free.