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Does this work on an AMD 7950X?

No, the 7950X is a CPU. CUDA is an API for computing on GPUs.

To be fair AMD has a graphics card with the model name 7900XT so the names aren’t that far apart in Levenshtein distance.

Yeah, I figured, though it has an iGPU ... would be nice to just test out whether I could run CUDA code on it, even if slow.