Comment by kamaal | Hacker News Reader

Comment by kamaal | Hacker News Reader

Reading this made me recall and reflect on a lot of things in life.

I am 27 now, but when I was 21 I used to think that I can be happy no matter what the situations in life. Soon I had to come to face with the reality. You need money to solve your own and the worlds problems.

Just like the author I come to always to the point “Everything will be perfect when ….”.

And you will never be free, because first you will want a college degree, then its a home, then its a car, then clothes, and then in comparison with whatever everybody else has. And then as you have a family it just goes on and on...

So it happened that I went with relative of mine to check out a luxury flat he was about to buy here in Bangalore. As I was checking out the flat with him, he asked me if I would buy if I had the money. And then he asked me to reply with an honest opinion. I paused for a moment and replied... That I would like to buy it now, but I would like to buy it now just because you are buying it. And I'm comparing myself with you, but If I were you and in your shoes then probably I would like to buy what somebody else in your peer group might be buying it. And that might mean a super luxury flat.

I realized a simple fact. We are never free. We are always a slave to the question that the author asks “Everything will be perfect when ….”

We will never be happy because we need money to solve our problems and buy all we want to buy, no amount of it is ever sufficient. And the answer to that is not 'stop having expectations'.

I don't think the answer is to "stop having expectations". The key is realizing you need very little to be truly happy.

>>The key is realizing you need very little to be truly happy.

Although I agree with you in principle. But so as long as we have feelings, comparison and desires to match someone else is inevitable. I've tried a lot, but I keep ending up with...

    Why can't I have a car like him.
    Why can't I have a home like his.
    Why can't go on a costly vacation like him.
    ...
    Why can't I have <insert anything> like him.

And that never goes away...

Try looking at it the other way:

99.8% of the world's population would like to have a car like mine...

I live on less than $40k a year.

I have a wife and 2 little girls. We have a house, 2 cars, and a motorcycle. All of our vehicles are paid for and we have no revolving credit.

I am HAPPY. Poor, yet HAPPY.

The secret is that I stopped thinking: "Why can't I have a car like him?" Instead, I started thinking, "It must suck to work as much as he does," or "I'm glad I don't have debt like him!"

I have everything I need and quite a few things that I want. I have money in the bank to buy just about anything I'd like to own, within reason. I did not achieve financial freedom on what is considered poverty level salary by desiring new fancy things.

It took me 4 years of credit counseling and BARELY making it buy each month to realize all of this. It was not an easy lesson. But now, I have friends making over $200k that are envious of me.

I'm not right or wrong. My method isn't better than acquiring awesome stuff with tons of money. I have found that time with my family is more valuable than money.

If these questions persist within you then act in accordance with fulfilling them - figure out how you get those things, treat it like a game. But don't make your happiness contingent on them and think twice before sacrificing the present for the future. There are plenty of people with wealth who are never satisfied and would base their happiness on the 'thing they don't have' (car, house, yacht, plane etc). It places happiness artificially always out of reach - which is a shame. We all get one ride on the rock.

It's not about the money, and it's not about "him." You feel bad about yourself. Part of you wants to be unhappy. This likely has a lot more to do with conflicts from your childhood than some new philosophical puzzle presented by late capitalism. If you want to feel better, talk to someone.

You definitely shouldn't confuse "I haven't yet figured out how to change X" with "X is inevitable".

Three things that weaken those feelings of envy for me:

One is treating them as something my brain does. Sort of like one does with a transient ringing in one's ears or a twitchy muscle or a mild cold. I think, "Oh, that thing again," and wait for it to pass.

The second is appreciating what I have more. If you focus all the time on what you don't have, it's easy to miss all the things you do have.

The third is better understanding others. Spend some time really looking at the people you think you envy. Rich people are often miserable bastards. Even the ones who aren't miserable have made sacrifices I'm not interested in making, or are fundamentally handicapped in a way that I'm glad not to be. Nothing comes without a price.

I have been through the range of experiences to say with 100% confidence that I do not fall in your set of We. So your rule cannot apply universally. Whether I had a very lot or only a little, I have never been one to compare myself materialistically with others and experience feelings of envy.

Don't be so sure. I used to think I never compared myself with others and then I really thought about my frustrations one day and realized I was trying to keep up with or out-do my family and friends. It's far easier to be honest in our opinion of others but not so easy to be honest with ourselves. Our egos prevent us from seeing things like envy which Just prolongs the problem.

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