"Schaumburg Man Dimly Aware Of Shadowy, Non-Schaumburg World Out There"
"Clinton Injected With Highly Unstable Experimental Growth Serum"
"Beer! It kicks ass!"
Lastly, the 9/11 issue is one of their greatest achievements. They struck the perfect balance/tone, avoiding "too soon": https://www.theonion.com/issue-37-34-the-september-11th-issu...
https://www.theonion.com/cia-realizes-its-been-using-black-h...
They also had one that they didn’t run making a joke right after 9/11 to the effect of…
“America Stronger Than Ever, Say Quadragon Officials."
Also the routine “No Way To Prevent This” headline after every mass shooting only continues to gain potency.
https://www.theonion.com/after-obama-victory-shrieking-white...
Which is a shame, because it was the perfect counterpoint to what everybody else was reporting.
Just a full page photo of the plane hitting the tower and a giant headline:
“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!”