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Comment by whamlastxmas | Hacker News Reader

I am very annoyed how effortless this seems for you

It's effortless because my actions are aligned with my goals and desires. I used to be very addicted to poker. There was a book I read during that time called "The Mental Game of Poker" that is really good and broadly applicable to life. One of the lessons is to figure out your subconsciously held goals that are negatively impacting your consciously held goals.

For example, someone's stated goal may be to build an amazing startup or open source project. But they constantly find themselves going to founder meetups and conventions, staying up very late and drinking a lot. They may also find themselves posting a lot on social media instead of working on building their thing. I would claim that this person has a hidden goal of seeking attention and fame. They likely would never tell themselves this and this is why self honesty is important. Once you are able to bring these hidden goals to the foreground it's actually easy to manage them. Wanting to be famous and get attention is a pretty ridiculous / base desire.

It's also effortless because your goals and desires are sustainable and bring you prosperity.

My desires are to chill, play music for myself and friends, sleep a lot, have sex, hike, go to concerts and generally go out and drink. Only doing that would, predictably, make me homeless eventually.

Effortful actions it is for me, I guess.

You should start a band. I'm pretty sure some singers' lives are exactly what you described.

Related to what GP said, I think desires are complicated. What you (and commonly you hear) referred to as desire might be something like a "first order desire" -- either what you would desire if there were no constraints or consequences from your actions, or what you desire immediately (and not taking your long term life into account)[1]. I think it's a good idea to visualize the consequences of your desires, because actions have consequences and the world is inherently full of constraints. So you might "desire" (1st order desire) drinking, but not desire hangover or even becoming an alcoholic, or miss some opportunity because of over sleeping (or even increased health as well), so maybe update your desire to 2nd-order desire where the consequences and constraints[2] are taken into account, and if you still desire it (e.g. find sleeping a lot really worth it), then it seems fine.

I believe it's Carl Jung that talked extensively about bringing your unconscious into consciousness. Or Feynman: The first principle is you must not fool yourself, and you're the easiest person to fool :)

(Although I think it's normal to have some amount of internal conflict or inconsistency that we can only resolve as we go along, experiment, work and live)

[1] Maybe we should call those cravings?

[2] I think a more refined approach would add philosophical implications (e.g. ethics, meaning, etc..) as well

Touched on in the article: "There’s endless tips on what successful CEOs do with their mornings, making us feel bad for not executing core loops with machine-like efficiency."

I think what's not said is that some people are just naturally very focused on achievement and moving up the ladder. If you have the drive to be a successful CEO, then adopting the behaviors and routines of a other successful CEOs will probably work for you. If you are not that type of person, then trying to become one by acting like one will just lead to frustration.

I'm not a successful CEO, I have no desire to be one, I don't even want to be a manager of other people. It is not interesting to me. I've done it and can do it but it's not rewarding.

I'm not a "hustler" and have no desire to be one. I don't keep a scorecard of how many checkboxes I ticked each day.

Do what you are drawn to do, and look to other people who are successful at doing those things if you want role models.

I think its harder if you have friends, family, relationship, etc. I like to exercise in the morning but sometimes its crunch time and I really have work I need to get done, other times I've gone out with friends the night before and I wake up late. When I have a partner, I might spend all afternoon or all evening alone with them. I suppose it depends on the rhythm of your life and your life-world. For some, life turns like clockwork; others, move more like the wind and the ocean--and still others probably live as chaotically as the course of the universe, but they may expire rapidly. We're all somewhere in between.

I don’t think so. For me it helps to have routines and have them planned out. I keep a daily log, if something changes my routine I just make a note of it. It’s still helpful for me to approach the future with a mindset of consistency rather than trying to adjust to everything that could come up.

And if something regularly interrupts my routine (as kids often do) I just… adjust my routine.

Theoretically, you could adjust your routine until it you can no longer fully comprehend it, which you can't anyway since you aren't privy to all the forces which determine your life. But this would be a liberated existence, where we aren't subject to the regularity and order of the clock.

The morning is my time. I do it so I can spend time with family and friends. But like the OP said, it means I don't drink very much when I go out. I also come home at a reasonable hour. And when it's crunch time at work, that's when working out is most important for me.

Love the blurb in your bio.

Thank you

There is an idea that is 1,000 of years old. The idea is that the everyday takes priority over the extraordinary.

Your wife should be greeted before the president.

It’s really simple and I use it to frame my reactions.

When I was in high school, working at a warehouse, I told my boss I needed a few days off for my brother's wedding.

"What happens more often? Work or your brother getting married?" he asked me. "Work" I replied. "Well, there you go. Work is more important."

He and I had the kind of casual working relationship that he could jokingly be an asshole and I took it in the good nature it was intended (and yeah, I got time off for the wedding).

I haven't thought of that story in years, but your advice brought it immediately back.

One could add more parameters but I find it a good place to start while prioritizing.

I now know the proper response for you to your boss.

Tell your boss that you have spent more time with your family therefore every additional day spent with them is more normal than work.

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