This is an enormous effort for an academic joke article. I am reminded of Upper's classic "The Unsuccessful Self-treatment of a Case of 'Writer's Block'" (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1311997/pdf/jab...) and Goldberg & Chemjobber's "A Comprehensive Overview of Chemical-free Consumer Products" (https://blogs.nature.com/thescepticalchymist/files/2014/06/n...), not to mention Zongker's "Chicken Chicken Chicken" (https://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf).