Hacker News Reader

Comment by kstrauser | Hacker News Reader

For sure, and I am willing and happy to do the common things to help coworkers. I like people. I like helping people. It’s just that I have no interest in taking on advanced cases. Like, if someone were a diagnosed, untreated narcissist, managing that is outside my expertise and available energy. That specific diagnose doesn’t inherently make them a bad person. It does mean they’re likely to bring behaviors I’m not equipped to deal with.

View on HN

That's a very reasonable boundary. Health insurance covers therapy, it's reasonable to expect coworkers routinely exhibiting unacceptable behavior to make use of behavioral therapy and show that they're at least working on the issue.

It's also amazing what a "sorry, x,y, and z are very hard for me, I'm doing my best and still learning to do better" will go. Of course, not everyone receives that with grace, but that speaks to their character.

That's such a great tip! A little communication can go a long way.

And for my side, I try to distinguish between someone being a jerk and someone I just don't mesh with. I'm thinking of a specific coworker right now. They and I mixed like oil and water. They're smart, competent, and well-meaning. I respect them professionally. However, something about them rubbed me the wrong way, and I'm certain they'd say the same about me. We were never going to be work buddies. They weren't being a jerk, though. Our personalities weren't compatible, no more. I'd still give them a good reference.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com