There’s a trick to it. I don’t discuss my prior habit and I don’t mention quitting.
I decline drinking when asked and I do not offer an explanation.
Let your no be no.
I haven’t experienced any of the social pariah results that the author experienced. YMMV.
society has a lot of "defaults" that we're suppose to accept. drinking is one. cars is another. eating meat is often one. Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society.
That is true, but my attitude towards them is "let them try". Just let them. That attitude alone makes most people not want to try.
Spot on. When I was a freshman in college, my then-girlfriend and I decided to become vegetarian. My parents responded with some puzzlement but were ultimately supportive. She, on the other hand, spent the evening crying with her parents, who saw it as a rejection of their lifestyle. I remember her father asking me with a mix of anger and frustration “but what do you EAT?!” and I pointed out that all the things on the plate that were not meat were, in fact, edible. In retrospect, this was the wrong approach (I was reflexively sarcastic in my youth), and I would now approach the question with a bit more compassion. But the experience helped me see why small things (eg, do you drink or not, do you own a gun or not, do you exercise or not, etc) can foment deep divisions among people.
And if anyone ever asks why I don't drink, I can just say "I don't see a need to" and people don't really pester me any more about it.
"I'm a vegan!".
Instead of just ordering something vegan.
Doesn't it suddenly sound 100x more obnoxious?
If you preach you will get a reaction. If you do your own thing, less so.
She also have social anxiety so believe me when I say she never preach anything and she never say she is vegetarian unless asked. Also she is very tolerant : I eat meat and she never ever said anything about it except of course when we deliberately talk about the topic together. She _prepares_ meat for our guests because she is afraid that they’ll complain.
And oh my, you just can’t imagine how many times she have to explain to others why she don’t eat meat. The first _years_, it happened every. single. time. Be it with friends, or with family, they always want to know, they always ask the _same_ questions and get the _same_ answers. I know this discussion by heart and we still get it. The « but you can’t have a balanced diet » (which is false and, since she is an adult, is intrusive), « but I couldn’t stop eating meat » (which nobody asked you to), « but why? », the « but plants also suffer ».
It’s always the same conversation, the same jokes. Honestly, I’m not vegetarian but I feel a lot of empathy for my wife : she’s just here like everyone to have a nice moment and somehow she’s forced to talk about always the same topic : what she eats. Sometimes this whole thing just makes me want to become vegetarian so that she doesn’t feel alone.
I personally know like 3 vegans and we've barbecued together even. Each eating their own thing. None of them preached to me. And neither did I. Maybe begged for a sample when their stuff looked particularly good. Especially the mushrooms. Oh! the mushrooms!
In this case maybe your friends are the obnoxious preachers. Perhaps they feel guilty for eating too much meat and she reminds them of it?
When I read the article, I couldn't help thinking that the author must be hanging around with alcoholics. The people desperate to convince themselves they don't have a problem are usually the ones that want to 'analyze' the non-drinkers decision-making.
Given that, if the question comes up, I make sure to keep it short and vague. My goal is to stop the conversation without offending the alcoholic asking.
When I am around people that can drink casually, there is never an issue. So another obvious fix is to find a healthier group to spend time with.