Comment by Zealotux | Hacker News Reader

Comment by Zealotux | Hacker News Reader

I've had reasonable success with dating apps, meeting both my girlfriend and my previous one through Bumble. I'm likely part of the so-called "lucky 20%" of men with most matches. While this may sound like I'm bragging (I am), I've also seen the other side of Bumble when my female friends allowed me a peek, and it's eye-opening. The majority of men are simply terrible at marketing themselves.

Most men fundamentally misunderstand women's incentives. They present what they think women will find attractive, but from a male perspective, which often misses the mark entirely. I could elaborate for hours on the issues I see in these profiles. Now, whenever I hear a guy claim "dating apps suck, they're a scam," I don't entirely disagree — dating apps are indeed flawed — but I'm immediately curious to see his actual profile.

There's a significant missed opportunity in these apps: they could teach and guide men to build their best profiles, select and eliminate pictures, and suggest concrete improvements. It might sound extreme, but even basic A/B testing can dramatically increase your number of matches, the majority of men will just create their profile in 2 minutes, never touch it again, and wonder why they don't have dozens of girls throwing themselves at yet another guy taking a selfie in his bathroom.

> They present what they think women will find attractive, but from a male perspective, which often misses the mark entirely.

Are you going to share any advice or particulars? I see posts like yours and they are a dime a dozen, but could be summed up by "your profile is bad", but they never offer any concrete advice on improvement.

What are women looking for in these profiles that they can immediately use within less than 1 minute to determine whether it's a good match or not?

Try to look at your profile dispassionately. Would you be interested in meeting this person? Does it look like they’re a generally pleasant person to be around? Do they have hobbies? The questions you ask are really determined by what you’re ultimately looking for or find attractive, so my questions might not match yours.

> The majority of men are simply terrible at marketing themselves.

Yes and no. It's stupid hard for a guy to know what women are really thinking. I may have success and believe that I have what women want, but still could be very mistaken. I'm regularly surprised at what I see guys get away with once I believe I have it figured out. I'm always having to update my info.

This might be a bit messed up, but I sat with a friend who was talking to men on a dating app. She went through a high volume of guys, and we must have done this for over an hour. So many seemed to be almost illiterate with text or mind-numbingly boring. Many were jerks. Many had such focus on the rational element (talking about marriage, what they are looking for in a relationship) that they seemed to forget there's a human on the other end. Of at least a couple dozen guys, the two my friend ended up enjoying talking to (but still had other issues which turned into a dead-end) were those who came off as being the most normal of the group. Like, they won out by simply having a normal conversation as normal people. That sill gives me limited understanding of what my friend finds attractive, but it was eye-opening.

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