Hacker News Reader

> make sure the counselor has their own kids

I sense a hint of prejudice, the “you’ll understand once you have kids” trope. Surely counsellors training is more important than their personal situation?

View on HN

Yes, but there's a difference between learning the theory and experiencing the practice. When you see a counsellor you need to trust them and know that they understand; if they say "I understand what it's like to have a child like that because I read about it in a book" you will never be able to take them seriously.

It depends on the type of therapy, I suppose, but I am not sure it’s reasonable to expect the therapist to have experienced all of the circumstances/problems you’re coming to them with. In my view, a good therapist should have the skills to ask the right _questions_, not give you the _answers_. They should help _you_ reflect and problem-solve.

Both matter, IME. The necessary empathy to make it work can be very hard to engender when the counselor can only understand the dynamics of what children do to a marriage on a detached, observational level.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com