So this rules out many kinds of WIMPs, but not axions, or the more exotic white holes of loop quantum gravity. There's also the JWST observations which oddly seem to fit certain MOND scenarios better. Or Claudia DeRahm's massive gravity.
Specifically I seem to recall there's something using Einstein-Cartan as a basis, written by someone of note which predicts white holes as a permanent endpoint of evaporation. Then again, maybe it was rovelli?
Alas, I can't seem to find the paper now. Google sucks and keeps dumbing down my query.
This rules out any interaction except for gravitational, right?
This is clever, but I have to believe the back of an envelope would show that a dark-matter scale distribution of "dark blobs" big enough to throw things around the room and frequent enough to be given names in human experience would be many, many orders of magnitude higher than the observed gravitational effects.
A lot of weird shit gets floated around, like planet X is dark matter, or at one point someone suggested sag x-1 was a dark matter blob. At that point Why not poltergeists?
The bottom line is that because axions would necessarily be very "light" (that is, very much not-massive), it is misleading to picture them as "particles" and better to picture them as "waves." So while it's true that axions would feel the electromagnetic field of an atom's nucleus, that's really just because it's an electromagnetic field. So to make an experiment which is sensitive by modern standards, you say "forget individual atoms, I'm just going to make a cavity and crank it up to large electromagnetic field." And that's exactly what is done in practice.