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The best place to hide your money now is the USA. It's very effective.

Unless you're a US citizen, of course.

How do I get a US bank account?

I'm not sure now, I just went into a branch and opened one, but it was years ago.

You get an itin which can then be used similarly to a social security number.

(Transfer)Wise

You can't withdraw at an ATM or otherwise receive physical cash. Though for all other purposes (wires and transfers) it works just fine.

You can. They offer debit cards.

Ah, they are not available in US at least.