Hacker News Reader

Comment by slowhadoken | Hacker News Reader

I used to have annoying relationships like this in my early 20’s then I realized I had to stop dating narcissists. Women who put themself at the center of the relationship. A lot of chicks passive aggressively encourage codependency. You can’t make them happy though, it’s a trap. The flip side is not caring at all and they love that too but it’s terrible too. The trick is to be honest from the beginning, set boundaries, and from time to time reconfirm the deal. Also never compromise to the point of helplessness. Do not date and especially never marry a women that doesn’t listen.

View on HN

This is interesting. She would often admit that she was codependent and would forewarn that she knew she was being annoying because of that, but then there would be no actual progress/accountability on getting better. It would be this loop where she’d warn that she was being that way, but then she would go on and create an argument out of it anyway. I definitely don’t think she was a narcissist. She’s such a great human being. I think we both didn’t have the tools to deal with our competing insecurities and how they triggered each other. It was a bit of a shock to me since I had relationships with women who were much more secure in the past, and we never got into these intense of arguments. They were always resolved quickly and it never got disrespectful.

I’m not diagnosing anyone with narcissism per se but women do exhibit narcissistic behaviors. Listen for when they ask you to make them happy. It’s exaggerated during PMS and their period. It takes experience and even then having a backbone and being firm with women is tricky. When women are aggressive they create a hostile environment and play victim. Good or bad it’s all about a feeling of control because friends and family engender learned helplessness in them. If they choose not to take responsibility for their negative behavior then remove yourself from the situation.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com