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Comment by lynx23 | Hacker News Reader

blind man in his 40s here. Reduced contact to his overprotective mother. My most important advice: Support your child, but don't forget to let him make his own experiences at some point. Don't overprotect, which is the worst for blind people. Coping mechanisms are very individual, but one pattern is clear: Those overprotected that don't flee from their parents end up being even more disabled. Why? Because you need time and space to figure out what you can do and what you can't do. But parents have this tendency to protect so much that the child can never find out what they are good at. PLEASE, let him grow and and take risks. He will grow by being allowed to take risks. If your wife has over-protective tendencies, speak to her, make her understand. I can not emphasis enough how important that is. In fact, we have a saying in the blind community: "Parents exacerbating the disability" (Zusatzbehinderung Eltern).

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This is good advice, but very tricky for parents. How do you know what is too much? How do you reconcile this advice with the innate desire to protect your child, which is turned up to 11 for a disabled child?

Not easily, I imagine is the answer. Still important stuff to keep in mind.

I think what's most important is that you love and your respect your child, even while protecting him. That means listening to him when he expresses his feelings about how you do what you do. If you do that, and are able to back off when necessary, they'll probably be okay.

(My mother was on the low end of the "overprotective spectrum." As a kid this bugged me, especially with interactions with other people. As an adult, I appreciate what she was trying to do, even if she was a bit overzealous at times.)

Whenever you think "not easy" remember that whatever it is, its far easier then what your disabled child has to manage. Whenever you, as a parent of a disabled child, think you have it hard, rememeber that that is just not true and you are exaggregating. YOU have it pretty easy, compared to your child. So please, dont pity yourself, its laughable and sad at the same time.

How do you know? If you ask yourself, is this perhaps too much? The answer is almost always "yes".

A blind child probably has it easy compared to some other children. Does that make their concerns or feelings less valid?

This advice is generally helpful - overprotective parents or caretakers will always stunt a kids growth. Have personal experience in distancing myself from a parent and it greatly improved my wellbeing and my ability to learn/grow/take risks

You said part of what I wanted to say, thanks! TO try and make a long story very short, I too have a very overprotevtive mother. I'm in the process of trying to deal with that through therapy, but in the end, I think I'm just going to have to break off contact, which is what I did in 2015 for a bit.

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