How about integrity? Do you find that relevant? Usually people with integrity have high self-esteem because they adhere to a certain set of ethics. I'm not trying in any way to pass judgement, just to give you a different perspective.
I feel a very strong ethical obligation to our children. I often worry about whether I've met that ethical obligation to them.
But when I'm thinking about that, I'm thinking about our kids, and what I have done and failed to do – I'm not thinking about "self worth". I feel guilty about some things – whether I should or I shouldn't – but my mind doesn't associate those feelings with the phrase "self worth".
How do you know this is not true?
If your sense of obligation is seen as a value function for people, it follows that your self-worth is the value when you plug-in "self". Helping others and volunteering is indeed something that brings satisfaction and could help heal your sense of self-worth. If you value another person higher than yourself, by helping them you would establish a connection between their worth and your own. You potentially went from lacking any evidence of positive self-worth to having concrete first-hand evidence that you are worth something to someone.
years of therapy :-)
the opposite is also demonstrably false - there's people with huge self-esteem who are known for their complete disdain for others or their opinions.
I guess universally it may not be true, but I suspect for some it very well could be. Just depends on the value function you ascribe to (knowingly or unknowingly).
It should also be said that this topic is more complex than these simple models. I've heard it described that Narcissists essentially refute the evidence rather than allow it to poke a hole in their bubble of self-worth; All of that to say, there are many moving pieces beyond just how you value things that add up to your self-worth.
A simple mundane example would being going to the gym if you tell yourself you will.
A more complex example would be acting in accordance with the values you believe in or not. If you think people that kick dogs are terrible, but you yourself go around kicking dogs, this creates a lot of cognitive dissonance and low self worth. If you promise yourself to stop, but keep breaking that promise, you realize you cant be trusted, which also impacts self worth.
However if it is the very cycle itself that increases the effort necessary for breaking out of it, how tied to self-worth is it for different people? When one is the subject and the researcher or the judge, defendant, and prosecutor simultaneously - it can be much more challenging to locate the anchor to which self-worth is tied.