The raising of my daughter.
Before you buy any books on parenting strategies, you need this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Doggy-Picture-Book-Thingy-Things/dp/07...
Parents are meant to make decisions for their children and children are meant to do things they don't want to do if it's ultimately advantageous. That people think otherwise scares the bejesus out of me, but perhaps explains why kids are so pampered and spoiled nowadays.
Citations: http://www.faqs.org/abstracts/Social-sciences/Are-young-chil... http://ideas.repec.org/a/jdm/journl/v2y2007ip225-233.html
If things are going right, sometimes he'll want to have a discussion. Other times he'd rather just do what you said without understanding it, so he can proceed now (nothing wrong with that if it's voluntary). And other times, just let him do it his way, if it won't be a huge disaster, and he can learn something from his mistake, and about how good your advice is.
People all the time come up and say they already do the stuff on the TCS website. So far the rate of that being true is exactly zero.
PS I do not like psychologists.
The reason the things I'm advocating are especially worth consideration is that they are in line with long standing traditions our society already places very high value on, such as individual freedom and happiness, and control over one's own life.
If you substitute in someone with the same level of rationality and decision making skills as a young child.. let's say.. a meth addict, does it still work?
Sure, there are some kids - especially older ones - who can take part in discussions and come to logical conclusions, but this is a learned skill over many years. The ability to take control of yourself and be rational is very much part of the definition of being an adult.
Asking a 4 year old kid if he wants to go to school or not is not rational parenting and a child should not make those sorts of decisions.
I remember thinking a lot of things were unfair as a kid and thinking I could make better decisions than my parents - and I was considered a pretty smart kid. Now I'm of my parents' age, I know I was mostly wrong. Adults and parents are there for a reason. They can make skilled judgments, and kids can't.
I just apply them to a minority group that you don't recognize as fully human.
Ned's Dad: We can't do it, man! That's discipline! That's like tellin' Gene Krupa not to go [starts banging on the desk] "boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom bam bam bam, boom boom boom bam ba ba ba ba, da boo boo tss!"
Ned's Dad: We don't believe in rules, like, we gave them up when we started livin' like freaky beatniks!
Dr. Foster: You don't believe in rules, yet you want to control Ned's anger.
Ned's Mom: Yeah. You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas.
You don't want to find ways to reduce (or eliminate) taxes, without any negative side effects?
You wouldn't approve of a way to deliver vaccinations that hurts less than a needle? (Personally I don't mind it, but some people do.)
You wouldn't approve of finding a way to let people travel faster? One without negative side effects, of course.
You seem to be advocating for the status quo, and denying improvement is possible.
You have never met a TCS-raised child. Why do you think that TCS, which you have never encountered, will without doubt produce this stereotype of teenager, which you have encountered often?
I live in one of the richest counties in the US. (formerly #1 actually). I see children raised like this ALL THE TIME. It is far more common to see a parent explaining themselves to a child who is throwing a tantrum than it is to see a parent putting their foot down. These children grow up totally unprepared for a world that does not make every concession to their current mood. With the exception of the ones who have trust funds (quite a lot around here) and thus don't ever have to face the real world, these kids almost universally wind up as only semi-functioning adults.
I'd go so far as to say that it is inflicting environmental retardation on your child. You job as a parent isn't to be your child's friend. It is to socialize them and prepare them for life. If you want to be friends, you'll have to wait until they're an adult.
I don't think I'd want to be friends with a person who had hurt and coerced me all my life. As for socializing, 'no man can use his brain to think for another man'. A parent can't socialize their child. The child must socialize themselves. The parent can only either persuade their child, trying to help them, or else coerce them, that is, harm them.
One of these is the attitude of a human, the other of a monstrous tyrant. It is always alarming to hear a person say that for the individual, tyranny is the only way to a successful outcome, when time and time again it has wrecked whole societies who together were unable to withstand its corrosive effects.