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Comment by gadders | Hacker News Reader

Talk to women in real life. It's not that hard.

It's not hard if you can find them. I talk to a lot of women in real life, but ultimately 99% fall into these 3 categories:

1. Already married there with their partner

2. Not looking to date seriously for one reason or another (usually senior age, or too young/exploring things, etc.)

3. Ones that just don't like being approached in public space (e.g. they'll say something like "I have a boyfriend" and end the interaction)

I honestly don't know where to talk to dating-age women in my area who don't fall into these categories. But I'm reluctant to use apps too.

It's very hard to flirt effectively for many men, especially if the interaction with the woman is not within the context of a date / singles bar / dating app etc where its expected. It really is an art and takes experience or intuition that many men lack.

Many of those "many men" would significantly improve their chances by just doing gym 2 times a week for more than a year.

And by just starting to think a little bit about their look, that's it.

Those two simple things would increase their chances significantly.

I would suggest just start talking to them about stuff. Not every interaction has to be flirting.

While I agree it's a superior strategy, it really is hard to start off. Many of us get over it in middle school, but some do not and it snowballs into deeper anxiety each time we put it off.

I have figured out the secret for me is to remind myself "If I try to talk to her we might have a great outcome, and I'll feel better even if rejected because I know I tried. But if I dont talk to her I will have a long time of rumination and regret about what might have been."

This is a type of regret minimization and I think it’s a good way to look at making a lot of decisions in life. (The sharpest memory I have of this in a dating context is a time when I used it, got shot down hard and both 5 days and now 20 years later I’m still glad I did it.)

The vast majority of women in real life are not looking for a partner.

I'm just trying to provide a balanced take on the article my man.

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