I always think about programming and CS concepts, I am currently reading the OSSTEP books, I’ve one of those minds that obsess over the things they find fun or enjoyable so my mind is always lingering with things I’ve learned or done. I’m very curious about how everything works, all the way down to this finer details. I’m usually never satisfied with just knowing that something does what it does, I have to know why, how and what mechanisms are in place to allow this to happen. Yes, you are right, I do need to get over myself and as you said, it seems that I lack self esteem and confidence. I’m not sure how I’d fix that especially since programming more seems to make it worse. Also I think you misunderstood what I meant by research and high paying job, what I was trying to say is that if my goal to be a researcher doesn’t work out, I wanted to know what jobs would be high paying and not require a significant amount of intelligence, and since I believe I don’t have the required intelligence to do what it is I want to do, I asked what other jobs there were I could do. Thank you for your words and advice!