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Comment by fennecfoxy | Hacker News Reader

As a Kiwi I miss the ware whare!

However I am extremely disappointed to see that the questions section of that starts out gender neutral and then basically does the usual "if you're a woman being abused by a man..."

There is still no support for male victims of domestic violence, whether the abuser is male or female. :/ it's not hard to cater to all cases, no wonder men don't bother - particularly when it's reported that male victims who resort to calling the police are most often the one handcuffed/detained when they arrive.

In before someone comments something that we've all heard before - it's not a competition, both women & men can be helped by the same system, regardless of supposed statistical likeliness, etc.

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This is very fair. I have a close male friend who was the victim of intense domestic violence, physical, emotional and financial manipulation by his ex partner.

He talks about how child support staff (like reception for example) are, are not favouring of him. They see DV in his profile and assume he's the perpetrator instantly. He had to explain himself constantly, no doubt reliving trauma when he does.

He has been struggling with the courts to gain sole custody of his child.

And to top it all off all the posters around these places are, like you say, about women reaching out against their abusive male partners. Which IS an issue and IS statistically more likely. But you make a very good point about these systems being able to help both.

> .. women reaching out against their abusive male partners. Which IS an issue and IS statistically more likely.

Be careful about your phrasing there. I hope the implied subject on both sides of the "and" is different. Women being victims is an issue, and women reaching out is significantly more likely.

Women reaching out is (obviously) not an issue, but is statistically more likely. Alternately, women being victims is an issue, but the statistical likelihood of women being victims is unknown, and we have good reason to believe there is significant reporting bias.

Thank you, this needs to be repeated whenever this situation arises.

It doesn’t matter, because even if men call for help, they won’t be helped.

There was a study in UK that if a man calls the police for domestic violence, there’s 56% chances the police only interviews the woman, and 23% chances he’s threatened of arrest (with, I think, 3% or 10% he’s actually led to the police station, I don’t remember the specifics, but still higher than not calling the police).

In France, a sad sentence of the government hotline “Female violence info” mentions that 10% calls are from men. For a hotline with “female” on it. The report continues that, since it’s only 10%, it’s still generally violence against women.

So yeah. Let’s be honest. Men better not end up in need of help.

UK minister is trying to close All female prisons. They are already only 4% of prisoners, but that is it enough. So much about accountability.

> men can be helped by the same system

That is just a misinformation! Calling police if abuser is a female, and you are a male, is a VERY bad idea.

Without police you only get some bruises. With police you get escorted in handcuffs in front entire neighbourhood, get fired from job, pay very expensive lawyers, get criminal record and possible prison time!

There is no way to fix that, just leave and drop all contact!

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