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Comment by kayodelycaon | Hacker News Reader

> I am a bit surprised, because I always thought the inherent attraction towards your prefered sex would always overrule bad experiences in the past, but apparently, I am wrong.

Sexuality is complicated. It isn’t binary. It exists on a spectrum and it would not be surprising for many people that the need for sex is less than the need for safety.

And people like me have no attraction even though we may be interested in relationships. I see so many bad relationships around me that I am just not willing to take the risk.

No one taught me how this was supposed to work. How can I mention I’m interested in someone without being fake or creepy?

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> No one taught me how this was supposed to work.

That's not a good justification to check out. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual.

> How can I mention I’m interested in someone without being fake or creepy?

By being honest and earnest.

I am not sure what safety-vs-sex has to do with sexuality supposedly not being a binary thing? I deliberately wrote "preferred sex" to be as inclusive as I could, but I find everything else pretty much uncalled for. For me, for instance, sexuality is pretty much the most binary thing I can think of. Its OK that you see it differently. But hiding advocacy in every statement is really tiring...

And it was very condescending as well, like explaining to you that the sky is blue while you were debatting of the weather implications of the cloud shapes.

Oh! I am blind, and due to my disability, am treated in a condescending way on a regular basis, so I didn't even notice. But now that you point it out... I can see what you mean. However, being used to being treated like a small child by random (supposedly well-meaning) strangers is so normal to me, I failed to recognize the pattern...

It really is a bummer when someone just straight out projects all their trauma into a conversation, even when it is totally uncalled.

An anecdote:

I am learning French, I want to find places where I can listen/speak French all the time. I am also a Catholic and go to church every Sunday. My two neurons connected one day and I decided it is a great idea to join and hang out at a French parish.

I have acquaintances who come from France, they send their kids to French speaking schools here, they go to bars where French people hang out, etc... So, naturally, I decided to just ask them if they happen to know about French catholic communities.

Their replies were nothing like "no, I have no idea", or "yes, you can try at ..."; but, instead, they immediately derailed the conversation into how they don't believe in God and started rationalizing their decision to me as if I was going to be interested on all that ...

Which leads me to a tangential issue, we have become absurdly narcissistic. We think of us as the absolute center of our (minuscule) worlds to a pathological level. This is a major cause behind the rising problems regarding loneliness and relationships in general, I think.

What city would that be? Fellow francophone catholic here :)

Toronto, Canada.

Are you around? :D

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