But here's the kicker: our "what we can do" will never be enough to be neurotypical.
We'll need help, even when we're using all our coping mechanisms. And if we don't get that help, the outcome is simple: we're going to fail.
I have worked with some severely disabled people. (Probably more than you have, given one of my past jobs.) Most of them worked their ass off to make things work out and for that they have my eternal respect, my cooperation, and the benefit of the doubt.
I have also worked with some people who just throw their hands up and say "but I'm disabled" whenever they are asked to do anything they don't want to do. I do not respect those people.
More specifically, how do you know whether they could or couldn't do the things you were asking them to do, especially if it was an invisible disability?
Doing it before isn't a good indicator.
Other people with the same disability doing it isn't a good indicator.
Not visibly trying isn't a good indicator.
Having a blowout (or not) isn't a good indicator.
Being too tired (or too wired) isn't a good indicator.
Everyone has finite shits to give.
If everything is going fine, other people will often be willing to pick up slack or adjust. If other people are exhausted, overworked, or have no more shits to give - they won’t. Or more precisely, at some point they can’t. Or suffer negative outcomes themselves.
Disabilities are called that because they make things harder, for the people who have them, and for those around them. Same with disorders.
Agreed. I think the point I'm trying to make is simple, to abuse your examples here: Your not giving a shit is neither my fault nor my problem.
And to generalize it, "Your problem with my personal trait is neither my fault nor my problem." Be that trait a disability, skin color, sexuality, gender, or nationality.
Because unfortunately disabilities are just targeted as all those other ones when people want a scapegoat.
I might be getting a bit philosophical, but that's what this feels like it boils down to. Person A is vocal about their dislike of something about Person B.
The issue is that, like you note, it’s easy to ‘other’ people with disabilities and attack them, especially visible disabilities.
So then other people’s perceptions become a real problem for them, yes?
It's pretty unreasonable to compare one relatively minor disability to an extreme physical one that inhibits basic things like brushing your teeth or going to the bathroom.
ADHD doesn't stop you from doing those basic things does it?
For many people with ADHD it doesn't make things impossible, just much more difficult.
I think the point that the person you're trying to make is that too many people with an ADHD diagnosis think that being public with that diagnosis gives them a free pass to not over come the difficulties they face.
Ironic that you picked those two - it absolutely does.
ADHD (and autism) have trouble forming habits - remembering to brush your teeth is something that's a real problem for most folks who have ADHD. Not to mention showering, deodorant, etc.
As for the bathroom, most ADHD people will hyperfocus to the point where they either don't notice they have to use the bathroom, sometimes for an entire work day at a time. Constipation and minor incontinence are not as uncommon as we wish.
> For many people with ADHD it doesn't make things impossible, just much more difficult.
Imagine you have a set of spoons with which to do work. For a NT, doing something like brushing your teeth is a habit, so it doesn't take a spoon. For a ND, the habit fails to form, so they have to exert mental energy to do it. Two spoons.
Keep this up for an entire day, and by the time you have to cook dinner, ND just don't eat because they've been out of spoons since mid-day. The NT cooks dinner and has a few spoons left over to work on their hobby.
Difficult might as well be impossible when you're out of energy. Or spoons.
EDIT: Wow. This blew up. I wouldn't mind chatting more about it.
While I'm not also a quadrapeligic I feel confident that ADHD in general and quadrapelgia are not comparable.
I acknowledge that there are varying levels of severity of ADHD but very few of the instances of ADHD are comparable to such a profound disability as quadrapelgia.
You don't think that there are objective and measurable differences in disabilities?
Let's take plegia for example -- all other things being equal which is worse being monoplegic, paraplegic, triplegic, or quadriplegic?
Not recognizing objective differences in quality of life associated with varying disabilities does a disservice to those people with extreme disabilities and minimizes and marginalizes their struggles.
Answer this: what’s the end goal of comparing disabilities? I’d argue it’s simply to minimize the “easier” ones. Every struggle is hard for the disabled, bar none. There is no logical reason to compare other than to minimize someone’s struggle, so just avoid doing that. Instead, try and figure out how you can help those around you who struggle, disabled or not.
If someone does not recognize that the hardship of losing a pinky finger is not nearly the same as losing an arm, or as the experience of a quadriplegic, they are not making valid assessments of reality and they are not able to provide any help to those people.
I say this as a person who has ADHD and have worked with profoundly disabled people many times in my life.
There’s always someone who has it worse by some metric than you, there’s no benefit to setting up a disability podium and awarding prizes.
BTW, your “pinky vs quad” comparison is a huge straw man.
That’s all I’m going to say, you’ve obviously not going to benefit from any further conversation.
E.g. someone is able to focus on things that actually make a change while being in a messy room.
It can be exhausting if I really need to (and want to) work on something, but my mind is constantly switching its focus onto something else. It's like being interrupted by a coworker every few minutes, except it's your own mind doing it and you can't make it stop.
It’s about being a decent human being who can think critically.
“Research shows that adults with ADHD are 5 times more likely to attempt suicide. 1 in 4 women with ADHD have made attempts on their life, while men are more likely to end their life. Accidental death is also common.”
http://www.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/media/109514702/suicid...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/child-development-ce...
Yea, and my point was: imagine telling a quadriplegic they should just try harder to walk, or alternatively that they should try to keep it secret. It’s a stupid idea.
You’re clearly uninformed about this topic, and should research it better.