But what are the outcomes of these shares of “mental load?” How much thought translates into what measure of results? In therapy my partner was shocked to learn how much time I spend plotting and considering our domestic affairs like cleaning and grocery shopping, but I had to admit also that only some of that thought genuinely effected household results. Some of it was just anxiety. I don’t think it’s reasonable to hold my partner accountable for fretting as much as I do about meal planning for us, but holding them accountable for producing as many meals seems entirely just.