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Comment by onemoresoop | Hacker News Reader

Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.

if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun. Staying fit by doing something you enjoy (hiking, sports with friends, whatever) you are probably going to have more fun, and stick with it.

If you only socialize with people you don't like because you are "forced"/"pressured" to, you aren't going to have a good time.

Socializing is supposed to be fun, if you turn it into a job you hate, you aren't going to get the benefits of being social

>if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun

Not everything in life is about "having fun". Pushing yourself beyond your own comfort zone, or being pushed, is by definition not going to be enjoyable in some superficial sense, but it's the only way you'll ever actually engage with anything new or unfamiliar and grow.

Nobody who is grossly out of shape enjoys showing up at the gym the first time, but even though they don't enjoy it, it will benefit them all the same and eventually they may very well come to like it. It's the same with education, decades of trying to make education "fun" have resulted in large amounts of people being unable to absorb anything that isn't in some trivial sense gratifying.

And further, you never know if you'll like something until you try it. That's kind of universally true. The idea of going to a gym isn't appealing at all if you describe it objectively: you're going to go to a large room filled with heavy hunks of metal and sweating strangers. You're going to lift them up and down until you can't do it anymore. Then you'll drive home. That's not exactly appealing. And yet, despite everything, I love the way I feel when I'm working out.

It's perfectly A-OK not to like going to social outings with others. But until you've tried it, you don't actually know whether you like it or not.

> Not everything in life is about "having fun".

Of course not. However i would put recreational activities squarely in the "having fun" category.

Unlike being fit, being social doesn't have any inherent benefit in terms of health. It's merely a preference.

That's probably not true. Lonliness is linked to both physical and mental health issues.

However being social and not being lonely is not the same thing.

Loneliness and being alone aren't the same thing either.

That's not quite true, social isolation has been shown to be correlated with an increased risk of dementia and cognitive impairment in older age. And I reckon there are other studies that show correlations with other health outcomes.

I suppose it depends on the person but the older I get, the less patience I have for people and the more I rather focus on myself, hobbies and quiet time. I don’t have time for fake social gatherings or pretending like parent does.

If I meet someone genuine I will engage with them, otherwise I much rather to keep to my own devices..

I'd hazard that's exactly why it's inportant: mental exposure to uncomfortable and novel situations.

As a thought experiment, jumping back to the parallel with fitness, is your statement the same as saying "I suppose it depends on the person, but the older I get, the less patience I have for eating healthy and exercising, and the more I'd rather focus on eating food I like and spending time on my sedentary hobbies."? As in, it's 100% your choice to live your life that way, but you also have to accept that there are health repercussions associated with certain life styles.

Side note: I'm not sure what you mean by a "fake" social gathering. But for me, I've been taking part in a debate society, and some French meetups lately to socialise more, and I've loved it. Everyone is genuine in that they're there for a specific shared interest. And I've found that my thoughts/ideas are greatly improved from the ability to debate with others. Sometimes I'll realise I have a huge blind spot, and need to reject an idea. Sometimes I'll realise my idea had a short coming and that it needs to be adapted. Either way it just improves my thinking.

I don't think this is true, unless perhaps if you use a very narrow definition of 'inherent'. e.g. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3150158/

Reduces mortality, increases happiness, cardiovascular health, etc.

If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.

It might be nice to have a social safety net when you age and your children leave you.

Why? What would be nice about it?

Not being alone.

But what if I don't mind being alone? Or even prefer it?

Wife should still be around.

That’s not guaranteed.

It’s not but very likely atleast in my case.

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