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Comment by romesmoke | Hacker News Reader

I see your point. I've had my fair share of trouble as well. Talking about this stuff on HN after the storm has passed, from a financially stable place, is a luxury on its own.

Nevertheless, I don't see any value on acknowledging the delta between me and peers that happened to be luckier. It'd be useful were I on the other side: for instance, if I hadn't seen my father sink into dementia, if he was still with me, I'd better keep reminding myself of the importance and blessing of growing alongside a functional, healthy dad.

But now... Thoughts like "I have struggled more than these guys" seem dangerous to me. Whenever I've taken them seriously I've ended up using them as justification for the next tiny act of self-destruction.

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>>...the next tiny act of self-destruction

A world of truth in that phrase

It all really comes down to the tiny acts of building one's self or wasting the time... Yes a (non-wasteful) strategy & goal is key, but it comes down to how we spend our seconds...

It's not about people who have already gone through it, or about yourself. It's about people who are still going through it, and how you treat them. For most people, the delta isn't (just) used to justify their own self-destruction, but to justify their cruelty to others. You never know what battles people are fighting. And while it's true that someone can do a lot of damage to themselves, that pales in comparison to what a group of others who don't understand their struggle can do to them.

Yeah, I should have been clearer that my intent is that the delta should be used to increase empathy, not decrease it. Anyone out there could be dealing with anything.

I've lashed out at people before while under a great deal of stress. I've been the recipient of such as well. I've seen and experienced what poverty, illness and depression can do to the mind, how it warps habits and motivations. How things that some people might see as no-brainers for fixing a situation might simply not be options for others at that moment, at least not without assistance. A good support network makes all the difference in someone's life.

There is some truth to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and in addition to not being jealous of those dealt a better hand, we should be supportive and attentive to those who weren't, and resist applying our own heuristics to their lives.

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