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Comment by nikolay | Hacker News Reader

Don't trans people usually date/meet with non-trans people!?

No, trans people dating other trans people is actually extremely common (both homo- and heterosexual). Often because both (or more) people often understand each others struggles and wants way better than cis people do, and simply because if you like spending time primarily in trans-heavy communities, you will likely fall for someone who's also trans.

I would assume most non-trans people aren't willing to date trans people, so there's probably a pretty glaring need for them to have their own spaces.

In 2024 I went on a bit of a dating spree and I had first dates with 6 other trans women. 1 cis woman ghosted me.

I think most cis women-who-love-women do like trans women, but they just have more options.

Indeed. It's hard to believe that until relatively recently people thought that sexual attraction was fundamentally based in biology rather than identity.

Sexual attraction is fundamentally based in biology.

Trans people are part of biology. It's what happens when you are exposed to cross-sex hormones.

Personally, I tend to view (my own) transition as embracing an intersex condition with medical intervention.

But many trans women have no hormonal or surgical interventions at all. Are you implying that cis lesbians are not attracted to them?

Humans rarely neatly fit into sharply defined boxes with no bleed across boundaries.

Hmm.. I dunno.

Not implicating anything in particular, other than that biology is ridiculously complex. I can only speak from personal experience.

Before I transitioned, I noticed there was a pattern in my life where cis lesbians were interested in me, I've even dated a lesbian cis girl _as a boy_ when I was about 15 or something like that.

Biology is very strange.

I personally use the word "soul" for this kind of stuff. But that's nonsensical in the end.

if attraction not biological how one get attracted to another? by being educated that humans generally do? there's nothing ruling out biology in that

The longer I've been involved with the queer community the fuzzier things get. I very much looked and acted like a guy when I was younger but was drawn to lesbians and always seemed to get along with them and they were the only people I felt comfortable talking about women's bodies with. My first 2 hookups after I started transitioning were with cis lesbians. This was before I started hormone therapy. The relationship I was in when I came out was with someone who still identifies as a cishet woman but 3 of her exes have come out as trans women in their 30s. There are so many ways to be attracted to people and strange ways we are drawn to each other. I've noticed that the kinds of people that are casually interested in me has changed with my body but my own conception of what desire is has become so nebulous.

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