i hear you. here is what i came up with as a good way to put it: i can't be expected to take care of my family and my kids if i am not well myself. people (especially in china) tell me (and others) that parents need to sacrifice their own well being for their children, and my response is, if i give up my own well being then my children will suffer. they say, i need to be strong for them and for my partner. but i can only be strong if i am healthy. if you like a metaphor: on an airplane they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. that's what this is. i keep myself healthy, to get the energy i need to be strong for my family.

I've heard it phrased as "put on your own oxygen mask first."

I like that phrasing as it doesn't sound selfish in that context and most people can immediately understand why it's necessary.