Men are more prepared for fatherhood than we think | Hacker News Reader

Men are more prepared for fatherhood than we think

scientificamerican.com

12 pointsjimminyx8 comments

Interesting read. I tend to check out when discourse lands on hormones and how they impact relationships and behaviors. Not because I don't think they are true. I just don't know that I have ever found one to be actionable.

That said, the "actionable" part of this is to not worry about it being something you aren't made to do. And that sounds very legit and something people should take to heart.

I'll also say that you are never fully prepared for it. Such that you shouldn't wait until you have everything ready in life for having kids. I suspect you can be so unprepared that you should give some pause. I just don't think you will ever be prepared.

Especially since you have no idea what your particular children will be like! Just talk to any family with many kids. Odds are very high that they will remark on how different their kids were. In ways that they likely did not expect. Certainly ways that they cannot explain.

https://www.axios.com/2024/07/25/adults-no-children-why-pew-...

> 47% of adults under 50 without kids say they're unlikely to have them — up 10 percentage points from 2018.

> Of those who said they're unlikely to have children, 57% said "they just don't want to."

> Among the other reasons: 44% said they wanted to focus on different things. 38% pointed to the state of the world, other than the environment. And 36% said they couldn't afford to raise a child.

> 13% cited infertility or other medical reasons.

> 64% of young women say they just don't want children, compared to 50% of men.

This is a category that I would be hesitant to trust polling? Or, more likely, the hormones is actively counter to what you are seeing in these polls? (Please note the question marks, these are legit things I'm unsure on.)

That is, there is a sizeable number of people that think they don't want kids, until they have one. Does this mean that these folks are liars? I'm not aiming in that direction. I'd expect this is more an area where you can change your mind.

I help hundreds of people per month get a bilateral salpingectomy (a "bisalp") or vasectomy as a virtual patient advocate for the childfree, so it's entirely possible we're operating mostly from our own lived experiences. Intent via survey is certainly up for confidence level discussion vs "revealed preference" of actual fertility rates year after year. Agree we won't know for sure until we keep looking back over time.

I don't think this is disagreeing with my questions? Nor do I think I'm disagreeing with folks that make these choices. If someone wants to take efforts to make sure they never have children, I think that is something they should be able to do.

My question is if there is no actual contradiction between the polls of how many childless people don't want children, versus how many people with children consider it a defining facet of their lives?

I'd be interested to know how people would have polled on those questions throughout the decades? Fertility rates would tell us how many people are acting on having kids. But it would not let us know how many people that are happy with kids today were saying they did not want kids in the past. Would it?

Apologies if I misunderstood. It’s an interesting line of inquiry. People are tricky, expectations, regret, life circumstances and time periods, and so on. It is a long path between actions and feelings.

Apologies not needed! Agreed it is a tricky topic. And there are almost certainly nefarious reasons to push arguments similar to what I'm asking.

I pursued women and wealth through my twenties. When I turned thirty, I got married and started a family. My family is the most important thing ever to me. I only wish I had started at a younger age. Do not listen to pop culture and Disney telling you to follow your dreams. Follow your biological imperative, the purpose in life every biology textbook tells us is what every creature needs to do... Have children and have a family.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com