Would You Rather Have Married Young?

I think more important would be for me to have kids when younger - when you have more strength and stamina, a longer amount of time you can be with them and your grandchildren.

Of course the most important thing is to do it (marry & start a family) with the right person, otherwise your life can actually get much worse than previously.

Too bad those experience-seekers never read Burmese Days:

"Beauty unshared is diminished"

"Experiences" evaporate without being able to revive them with someone who experienced them with you. In my experience, at least

I married at 22 and moved to nyc. I lived through meeting peers that thought we were freaks (“you two are definitely gonna get divorced”), to the gradual normalization as we got older and more of our friends married. I knew lots of people that transitioned from young and invincible and definitely never going to get married to dismayed at coming up on 40 and feeling like they hadn’t quite started “real life” yet. I don’t like the article’s depiction of the guy “taking her under his wing” had they gotten married earlier, but I will say that there is something great about sharing your youth with someone unequivocally on your side, if life gives you the opportunity.

I (male) married in my early twenties and just celebrated my twentieth anniversary. Wouldn’t trade it for a thing.

I suppose I might have had more “adventures” if I’d waited but honestly every time I hear a dating story from someone I know who is single I feel very lucky. When I look at the dating scene today it feels like I caught the last flight out of a war zone. Seems like it’s very easy to hook up but way harder to really connect.

Advice: no matter your age if you find someone you really love who has compatible values and goals, go for it. Obviously give it careful thought first but don’t pass it up thinking you’re going to miss out on (insert imaginary partner that probably represents something you want to improve about yourself).

If you are with someone and going through a rough time, work on it and don’t give up easy.

I met my (eventual) wife at 19 years old. We've been married since 2007 and the only regret I have is that we didn't get together earlier.

We've been great influences on each other and if we had gotten together earlier, we'd be even further than we are now.

Heck yes, imagine having 20 year old kids in my 40s instead of 0-5 year olds! If you want to have kids don’t wait around if possible, not only will you have way more energy but all the sooner they will be able to contribute to the household and just in time for your energy to start waning, BUT there’s a much bigger benefit I never noticed before:

The biggest gain of all is the extra 10-20 years you may be giving yourself to spend with your kids and grandkids, the opportunity cost is immense, I can’t emphasize this enough.

Way to only assume a happy path scenario.

My last partner was in the process of a second divorce. One of my family members has been through 3 divorces. Unpaid child support abound, which he'll never pay.

Honestly I'm just happy to have a place to live, and a great career. First girlfriend dumped me right after I got fired.

I do wonder, hypothetically she met me a few months later when I was doing much better. We marry. We attend church. Our kids are bilingual in Korean and English with hints of a South Central dialect.

But that's just a fantasy. Just as easily we could be divorced, no kids and I'm just paying alimony.

I guess if VR gets advanced enough in time I can plug into an ultra realistic version of the Sims...

As an older partner, yes, of course. Yet I am glad to have found the person I love and am building a family together. I wished I had kids earlier...

What if there is only an illusion of choice? The article nicely argues about the advantages and drawbacks of a lifestyle centered around collecting experiences. And that way, experience is presented as the alternative to getting married early. But as one of the examples in the article so eloquently points out, marriage might not be among the options offered to you. If your character is too annoying, you'll be shown the door (called One Man's Thrash in the article). If the guys that you would marry don't want to marry you, then "collecting experiences" is your only choice. Which would turn the question into: do you regret having an unpleasant character when you were young?

I met my wife at 21, married at 32, I was a hard sceptic about marriage in my 20's after seeing my parents divorce in my late teens, they married too early and I didn't want to make that mistake.

As it was, our pre-marriage relationship was a period of huge growth for both of us until marriage was a natural progression, by which time we were both very different people but better suited to one another. When we had kids our relationship was strong and it got use through some tough times. It's a long road but it's a more stable one.

So no, no regrets.

Given the no. of divorces, I think it is better to marry young, only if you have the commitment for marriage of course. Getting married at, say 40, divorced at 42 (let's say without kids) and starting another relationship at 45 meana you'll be over sixty when your child is in college. Thats a lot of responsibility on old shoulders. The same cycle is much more manageable if you get married at, say 26.

I might ponder the option to never get married.

> Experience, we hoped, would broaden us. The new object seems to be the inverse: the contraction and refinement of the self, within and against the overwhelming flood of external information with which we are in constant contact.

This point really deserves its own article.

Every single “experience” brought my an opportunity for growth given the circumstances around said “experience”, where foregoing the “new experience” was, imo, getting stuck. I don’t regret having my experiences, but I would regret if I got married young

I wish I had married my wife sooner but I don't think she would have married me. :-). I certainly would have married her. Same thing with kids - I would have liked more sooner but it's a two to tango type thing.

I’m pretty sure as you get older your emotions are more blunted, and you don’t form the same level of bond as you would with someone when you’re 22

I don't believe in the institution of marriage so no. I don't need some religious arrangement to justify my love.

This is a silly question, and these insecure ruminations were very tedious to read.

If people who'd rather have married young write this way, I can only imagine how difficult they'd be to live with.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=T5qalNX5G94

If you find the right person when you're older, that's a common thought.

I would rather marry when I want to (young or not).

Yes

I know this is directed at women, but had I (a male) not married and had kids, I wouldn't have shit at this point in my life, including motivation. I'd guess I'd have slept with a couple more women, but everything else seems kinda meaningless. Friends turn into acquaintances, hobbies and travel are neat but ephemeral. Different strokes I suppose.