Ask HN: Getting Out of a Slump, How | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Getting Out of a Slump, How

2 pointspurple-leafy4 comments

Had a few life events happen recently, most significant was 7 year relationship breakdown 2 months ago.

It’s sucked the joy out of life if I’m honest.

I’ve done everything recommended - weightlifting x3, cardio x6, no social media, eating healthy, sleeping healthy, going into the office 5days a week, reading books, being active on weekends, seeing friends.

But I feel like I’m just ticking boxes. I’m sure I’ve made progress, as previously I saw no point in anything in life, and now I’m just sad instead.

But I’ve lost my passion and joy for anything and lack purpose. Can’t enjoy video games, books, outdoor activities

Any ideas? I’m open to trying anything except drugs or alcohol.

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You have ticked all the "normal" boxes. Try meeting new people. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, after a breakup, I continued to "run" ok jog in the hills, and work, but less any social media, I took an ad in a singles magazine, and met new people, all very different. Married one, but that's another matter.

New people might introduce you to interesting places, events and things to do. What if you met a scuba diver or photographer, artist or musician? I met one photographer whose works are very ethereal, and since my photos tend to the sharp and realistic side, those works have me really intrigued to go out and find different venues.

One person I met was very much into baroque music, and had a harpsichord. Many years later, I got a Clavinova with a harpsichord voice, and have some fun with that.

That was all before social media, so I can't say what to do today, but the goal is the same. Broaden your experiences by meeting new people. You never know what new doors that might open.

If you lack purpose, you need to find purpose.

You could try getting deeply involved with a local club or group. See if you can find a local hacker space, gardening club (one where you rent a plot in a community garden so you have the “pressure” to do well), pottery, sports (kickball, pickle ball, casual), volunteer, bee keeping, indoor rock climbing, the list goes on. Whatever it is, go to all the meetings. Push yourself to become involved and not just a participant. These groups almost always need more active members.

If you don’t have a close friend group, joining a club is also an opportunity to get one or add to your current one.

Also, don’t try to search for the purpose too hard. I stopped gaming for years because there was “no point”, because after 100hrs in a game, there’s no tangible benefit. The journey is sometimes more important than the destination.

Also, you’re on month 2 of a very long journey. You won’t feel like yourself for a very long time and may never feel like your old self since your existence was likely intertwined with that other person. That’s OK. The greater the joy, the deeper the loss. I think you’re on the right path. Good luck.

Everything you've tried seem like "normal things". Maybe you need to do something really different.

If you can, travel. But not as you might normally travel, get right out of your comfort zone. Travel to very different cultures, places where you don't speak the language, travel very cheaply. Cheap travel is slow travel and that gives you time to be alone with yourself, which might help. Don't plan anything, if you can. This travel doesn't have to be international. If you live in a large country there are places you can go, cultures you haven't seen, things you haven't seen, modes of transport you haven't tried.

Start something substantial. Learn to fly, power or glider. If you are near the ocean try scuba-diving. Join a car racing club. Anything. A club environment can help because, to some extent, others depend on you, and that can help you too.

You are down, but you should realize that no matter how low you think you are, there are others worse off than you. One possibility is to try to help some of those others. You do have some experience of what it feels like.

Whatever you think you might try, don't say "I don't want to start, I'm not interested enough". Just get started, burn your boats, get committed. After getting started resist the thought of bailing. See how it goes.

Ultimately it all depends on you. A life has many twists and turns. Good luck.

Therapy. Maybe medication, should you choose to see a psychiatrist. Then drugs and alcohol.

Good luck on your journey of healing.

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