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"Having trouble with your algebra? MathWiz is having a 20% discount this month only. Only $24.95 / month. This is an excellent deal. Don't you want to improve? Do you want to let your family down, like they thought you would? Or would like me to create an account for you?"

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"Want to get a job? [COLLEGE] is having a 0% discount -- only $200,000 a year! Don't you want to have a place to live? Go horribly in debt, pick a degree that may not matter, all at an age where your Brain has not yet developed fully!"

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