"Hi, I'm Linux. Lots of stuff will almost work, but not quite, and that's all part of the fun. I can sometimes do WPA but frankly it's going to be easier on both of us if you use WEP. I like to pretend I'm easy-to-use, but you need to be picky about which hardware you run me on - or I might not work. I can auto-update software, but sometimes we'll take a trip to dependency hell which will take hours to recover from - think of it as a form of intense mental workout. I've got a bunch of programs which will almost do what you want, but it won't be long before you're missing your old favourites like Office and Photoshop. There are lots of competing versions of me, and sometimes you'll get dragged into meaningless debates about which is best."

I use Linux every day, but sometimes I get a bit jaded about this kind of thing.