Don't want to derail from the interesting technical conversation, so feel free to ignore.

This is maybe more of a philosophical answer, but IMO the answer is to play games with people you trust. I've recently redicovered the joy of LAN parties (both Halo and AoE2) and man, it's so much better than the countless hours I spent getting pissed at faceless strangers in online games.

I wish there were more games designed for local multiplayer.