Shoot man glad you are still with us.
For anyone reading that feels like that today. Resources do exist for those feeling low. Hotlines, self-guided therapies, communities. In the short term, medication really helped me. In the long term, a qualified mental health practitioner, CBT and Psychotherapy. And as trite as it is, things can get better. When I look back at my attempt it is crazy to me to see how far I've come.