Somehow I hear this all the time, but the haskell people have to realize that code patterns are absolutely a thing in all languages, ever? A lack of syntactic sugar doesn't mean monads don't exist in other languages.
Typeclasses are a distraction, the point is computation ignoring annoying contexty stuff (file not found errors, null on failure, etc) and there's dozens of examples in literally every language ever.
Not all problems are solved with a technical definition.