First of all, take a weekend, go to some state park within easy driving distance of San Francisco, and spend the weekend hiking around the mountains by yourself. Have this question in the back of your mind, but don't deliberately dwell on it.

When you get back, flip a coin: heads you stay, tails you move on. You have your hand over the coin and are about to remove your hand... and in your gut, there will be a split second where you can sense your hope for either heads or tails.

Then ignore the actual coin toss, and do what your gut told you.

If it were me, I'd look for another job, but YMMV.