Hacker News Reader

Comment by mvid | Hacker News Reader

As an uncle, is there an opposite version of this list?

Yes. It's starts and ends with Perfection.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfection_(board_game)

So true! Requires a prescription for anxiety after playing and stepping on a piece is beyond lego level pain. Thanks for scarring my otherwise happy Christmas day :D

Oh god, we've got a copy of this game somewhere. I'm pretty sure the clock is broken and runs too fast or something, because it's completely impossible to finish within the time limit. We always kept score based on how many pieces you actually got in before it exploded in your face.

A+ great game, hate to play it.

Pokemon cards.

Even kids who can't read yet will somewhat play with them outside of the rules. Except they're fragile, easy to lose, will bring fights and other troubles as they grow up, and cost a ton more money if they really get hooked.

1800s black powder revolver replica + starter kit of stuff. Noisy, messy, fraught with peril and danger, a little less expensive and much less cumbersome than a 1980s 3-wheeler. For ~$500 you can be the coolest uncle ever and if the parents take it the kid will resent that for life.

If in doubt, buy a musical instrument.

Or paint. Or glitter.

Warning: once glitter enters your home it will never leave. You may have to move.

Some glitter comes anyway. My wife figure skated. It's been years, more than a decade, and several moves. Still find it from time to time.

Kinectic sand is the modern subtle version of glitter.

Kinetic sand does get a lot of playtime though. It is banned from our house though.

Glitter is crafting with herpes.

A cooking kit.

Usually cake baking of some kind. The kids will get bored after the initial mess making part, but will be expecting a yummy treat at the end, so the parent has to see the whole thing through, _and_ clean up the mess.

For an added bonus, the kid then eats the sugary treat, and they have that to deal with.

Aren't the choices straightforward, or looking specific product links?

Generally:

- Robots with lights that make nonstop loud noises without helping with household chores

- Glue

- Glitter

- Finger paint

- Bass guitar, drum kit, or trombone

- Baking cookbooks

- Things worse than IKEA flat packs with zillions of tiny, fragile pieces like laser-cut wood models

Don’t forget noisy. Have you considered an Otamatone?

The ideal "fuck you, parents" present must be noisy, and yet must require no batteries. Drums & cymbals are a good choice, as is a vuvuzela or an Aztec death whistle.

the absolute best fuck you present is no present at all, there is nothing parents like more than kids that have nothing to do

As a parent: no. We have way more toys than necessary, and yet keep getting more from all sides. All the parents I know have the same situation.

There are five stuffed tigers on the floor of our living room right now, liberated from their packages.

There are 37 more in the child's bedroom.

I am 51 and have never (nor will ever) buy a toy for a human - pets only

I'm confused. Are you bragging that you never gifted a toy in 51 years?

aha, I am. and everyone should strive to be like me

I guess on what you define as a toy. Is a Lego Technics set a toy? Is a model plane that requires assembly a toy? Is a drone a toy?

Also... if you ever meet a family with a baby or a toddler, I guess you'd gift them clothes?

Cant believe I have to answer these questions but here we go

- lego is a toy

- model plane that requires assembly is very likely a toy

- some drones a toy

if you meet a family with a baby or a toddler do not buy them a fucking toy, it is simple as that. it pollutes the planet and brings nothing good to anyone, not a child, not a parent and not you wasting money on stupid shit

As a parent I largely agree with this take. Most toys people buy my kids are essentially cheap plastic trash that won't last a season of interest but emotional toil to try and get rid of.

If you must get something outside of a donation to education savings, please either get a relevant book, something genuinely useful, or some kind of consumable. A pair of fun socks. A good a new backpack. Tickets to a sports game or a museum. A bag of snacks. A few sheets of stickers. New legitimate sports equipment (if they're into the sport and could actually use it). All of these are far better than some cheap plastic noise maker.

The things I listed aren't "cheap plastic noise makers". You can get good toys, most people don't bother.

They wouldn't bother with good snacks (they'll probably buy a huge bag of gummy bears or lollipops) or good socks (they'll get some funny 100% polyester socks).

Oh, and "few sheets of stickers" are also pollution, they're basically 100% plastic.

> Is a Lego Technics set a toy?

Expensive plastic, still a toy. Guess you're right it's not cheap. Definitely depends on the kid on this one. Legos can be OK toys, one of the few rare exceptions.

> Is a model plane that requires assembly a toy?

For the kind most people would just give as a gift? Absolutely just cheap plastic trash. It's definitely a hobby one can get into, but the quick gift stuff is pretty poor quality. And that model, once built, is probably fragile. Kids aren't often known for handling fragile things well.

> Is a drone a toy?

The cheap ones? Absolutely.

> and brings nothing good to anyone, not a child, not a parent and not you wasting money on stupid shit

You really don’t understand people at all.

Do you want to expand on that?

for kids, only money for college/investment fund. nothing else, ever

I sure hope this was not your childhood

you hope my childhood was filled with endless stream of useless play-with-them-2-hours-then-get-the-next-one toys followed by phones and tablets when I was strong enough to hold them? very happy to report my childhood was not wasted that way

Maybe you might have been a little more pleasant if you had wasted a little more of your childhood.

doubt it

As the Bard said (paraphrased) “Some are born miserable, some achieve misery, and some have misery thrust upon them”.

Are you saying you only give pets as gifts?

A vuvuzela is mean. I'm not even related to you (I think), and I want to disown you for that suggestion.

If you don't like your siblings, how about a drum kit?

that dispenses Thai energy drinks

Anything that makes noise; squeaky toys, fart sound generators, lazer guns, etc

Any sort of goo or slime.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com