Comment by cryptica | Hacker News Reader

Comment by cryptica | Hacker News Reader

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This is part of the reason why I never worked for big tech. I always have a side project going. I cannot function without a side project.

I don't believe that any corporation would ever reward me for any reason; so without a side project, I wouldn't have hope... How would I get out of bed in the morning to go to work, without hope?

For me; day job is survival, that's it. I do it well because I'm well practiced and I need good output to provide me narrative cover but I don't trust any of it. I'm not invested in my day job at all. I assume it's all a PsyOp and I could lose the job any day for any weird reason. I act and pretend constantly and I care about nothing and no one and I trust no one...

I literally believe that if I worked for some big tech company which was actually rewarding employees for real, that they would stop rewarding employees as soon as I became one. I've encountered a situation like this in the past. Horrible situation. The secret to happiness is just don't expect anything and do unto others what they do to you.

This is definitely a sound strategy, you have to be careful about little tech too. Personally I managed to work at several "big tech" companies that were okay with me doing side work for profit (both consulting and design/development work). I carried that forward as a manager and was always supportive of people who did side projects because my experience was that those people were less likely to burn out than ones who were spending all their time at work.

That's a difficult place for your brain to be in. Maybe some therapy with a human would help?

Yes, it is. I feel like this level of distrust is probably something that wealthy people often experience; but at least they can take a look at their bank account or portfolio app from the comfort of a house they own to help soothe the pain.

I don't think therapy would help me to be honest. My problem is not psychological; it's that I need more money to buy my time and freedom. One time I was earning a modest passive income for about 3 years while working on open source projects; I was quite happy then and the fact that I didn't trust anyone was not a problem as I wasn't forced to interact with anyone.

I guess one positive aspect about this feeling of 'not caring' and putting on a mask is that it comes across as confidence and it gives me more control. I can say unexpected things and control other people's emotions to some extent.

When you're always willing to throw away the entire relationship in every interaction, people tend to respect you more for some reason. It's like; if you don't value the relationship, it signals high status or something. I suppose this is the trick that psychopaths use?

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