I was thinking the other day about how frustrated my desire is to perform some kind of Great Work. A few years back I was intensely interested in making something like Nethack - a roguelike game with a deceptively simple surface and incredible complexity in the engine. I worked on several for a few years, different angles on the whole "managing complexity" thing. I suppose I learned a lot, and I made some interesting things, but I never really produced anything I felt I could work on for 20-30 years, that would be sort of my artistic statement as an engineer (if such a thing makes any sense).

I wouldn't've laughed at you. I view bonsai as a representation of steadfastness, endurance, determination, effort, (and self-mastery?) in the face of tremendous hardship, challenge, and deprivation. That said, I've never been particularly good at any of those things.

IDK if I would've taken you all that seriously either, though. Six months until you move and it's left behind on the curb. Or a year and a half until your cat knocks it off the windowsill. Or three years until some blight infects it and it dies off despite your best efforts. Eight years until, for whatever reason, it just succumbs to some kind of vegetative ennui. Nine years until your significant other overwaters it one too many times and the roots rot.

That's not meant disrespectfully. I just tend to view uncertainty and complexity as opportunities for shit to go sideways. Especially in this case, where it's unlikely you'll wake up to find your tree has spontaneously cloned itself, or has eaten a 1-UP mushroom. Disasters happen all the time, and miracles don't.

I suppose I'm just having a bit of a spiritual crisis right now. But thank you for your comment. It gives me a lot to think about, in a positive sense.