Comment by codegeek | Hacker News Reader

Comment by codegeek | Hacker News Reader

My wife is pregnant with our first child and here is what we are going through right now:

- Financial budgeting and planning. Our expenses are going to go up by about $1500 (NYC metropolitan area)

- Everyday, we struggle through talking about what we need to buy for the baby, should we do this, should we do that ?

- Are we going to be good parents ? Will our kid turn out ok ?

- We are not going to have any more time for ourselves. Forget those dinner and movie nights out. Forget about socializing outside especially for the first few months ?

- Will I get time to work on my side projects etc. at all ? It is so hard right now and with the baby, it might be even more difficult.

Now, if I had to choose between not having a child so that all the above issues disappear OR having a child, I would go for the child in a heartbeat. The point is that you can always justify why not to want/have kids, but I strongly believe (my opinion) that you will be missing out on one of the greatest gifts of god if you don't have them i.e. children. Just my 2 cents.

As the father of an almost 2-year-old:

Baby spending is a gaseous thing. It expands to fill the size of your budget.

All a baby needs is onesies, diapers, food, some blankets and a place to sleep. A car-seat and a stroller for going out (plus some blankets, etc for keeping warm). Anything else is gravy.

The kid will be fine. Quit worrying.

You will have to ease back into outside social engagements but you will sort things out.

Young children sleep a lot.

"Anything else is gravy."

Thanks :). I wish my wife thought the same though haha. She has a list of about 100 items and trust me, she has a way of justifying each one of them. :)

Agree with all of this as I have experienced it all myself in the last year.

Things worked out so much better than I imagined that I'm starting to think couples with the "kids ruin everything" attitude were actually looking for an excuse to disengage socially.

I would also suggest:

- Get the baby used to going out - friends' houses, restaurants. A bottle with a slow nipple buys you a lot of time if the baby starts fussing in a restaurant. - Find a good babysitter - When going out, do more planning than usual to make sure you have an awesome time

That last bit has made a huge difference. By treating your entertainment time as precious, the experiences you have are so much more fun and memorable.

Eventually you should try to find a babysitter (grandparents often work well, but not everybody has the option) and go out without the child. Although I admit we have done that only twice in the last two years...

What costs 1500$ more - per year, or per month? Because you'll move to a bigger apartment?

Our kid (2 years) actually sleeps from 8pm till 8am, so in theory there is still plenty of kid free time. Don't worry so much :-)

Correct. The $1500 is per month for a babysitter included (hopefully). We are not moving yet but planning to after the kid is about 6-7 months old.

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