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Comment by mgkimsal | Hacker News Reader

Married 15 years, no kids, no desire. I can't have kids, I think my wife would have had kids had she married someone else who wanted kids, but has never expressed that she's wanted kids (and has more recently expressed thanks that we don't have any).

What's it like? It's just life. You keep living, with or without kids.

What does bother me some is the moral high ground some people take when they know you don't have kids. "You couldn't possibly understand what it's like." "Once you have kids, you'll know." To some extent, that might be true, but I don't think it's impossible to make judgements about certain situations without being in that situation entirely.

Some people tend to make a lot more judgements about me and my decision not to have kids than I do about their choice to have kids. "But... no kids? That's so selfish of you!" Then 10 minutes later... "aren't you worried about who will take care of you when you're older?". WTH?

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As much as I agree with you in theory about being able to make judgments without being in a given situation, I'd have to disagree specifically about the kids situation.

You might think I'm generalizing, but I know I'm not the only one to think that nothing can prepare you for having kids. It's probably because it's as much a technical situation as it is an emotional situation. And the long-lasting nature of raising kids will impact you in ways you could never have possibly imagined.

Funny. I had noted your name after seeing what you did quite some time ago. Now I just updated it with "has no kids". (A bonus to me).

I hired an attorney many years ago and when I found out he had no kids that was a plus. It meant that he would be able to think about law without distraction and I wouldn't be hearing excuses about how he left the office early to watch the soccer game. (I have kids by the way but have managed to still keep work a priority. I haven't found this to be universal though.)

I was right about the attorney. Many Friday's he was at the office late and was generally available any day any time he didn't have many distractions.

Of course I'm not commenting on what is good for him but for me I saw it as a positive.

Not sure what I did to get 'noted', but I hope it was good :)

I might dispute your view of that attorney - he may well have many other distractions that prevent him from getting stuff done, but certainly the 'time with the kids' factor isn't there.

Of course, when interviewing people for jobs, we're never supposed to ask about personal/family issues, but I do eventually bring it up (though I haven't been in a job interview in several years). My wife and I are both self-employed, have no kids, and are able to devote stretches of time to work when necessary. I point that out - "if you need someone to travel and stay overnight, I've got no issues with that" sort of thing. Not sure it helped all that much for 'jobs', but it has helped in freelance/consulting. "Yes, I can be there tomorrow, and my fee is $x".

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