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800 running a desktop environment, iCloud syncing, tons of background programs (wallpaper manager is one! Another for keyboard brightness, probably)

Compared to someone on an ssh connection. No desktop, no Apple Account, no user session programs, etc. You really don’t need much

i mean you wrote yourself that users are frequently running into this..

i do not know why/in which context you are running this, and how frequently your users are executing forkbombs(i assume school/kids?)

my server is also running 400 something processes, one postgres instance alone is like 40?

Are all those processes 1 UID?