And even if that didn't turn me off as a potential customer, I'd be seriously questioning whether I want to hire someone who claims to be a designer, when they didn't even put together a design for their own site that effectively tells me who they are.
Basically, I think you are too close to your own site design to see just how flawed it is. Sorry is that sounds harsh. But I'd re-do your entire approach. Don't put up a portfolio and then try to add commentary at the bottom - put up a easy-to-read, concise explanation of what problems you can solve for people. In this scenario, you are the product, and you need to market yourself just like any other product - tell people right off the bat why you will improve their life. If you don't do that, the portfolio is meaningless.