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Comment by john_strinlai | Hacker News Reader

>you cant teach these,

you can absolutely teach those

… but you can’t force them to learn. Explicit instruction that isn’t backed by modeled behavior isn’t going to be very effective, IMO.

right. "teaching" isn't restricted solely to explicit instruction.

regardless of how you teach them, the kids will grow up just like their parents

parents are a huge factor, yes, but what you've said is not an absolute.

my dad was an abusive alcoholic. i have never laid a hand on my kids. i am not just like my dad.

I think "exactly like their parents" and "exactly opposite their parents" are indeed the two most likely outcomes.

(And congratulations on breaking the cycle. It's not easy.)

That's not an absolute rule, of course...

Religions lose half their members every generation, I believe the evidence is robust kids can pick a different path than their parents. You can guide, support, and nurture, but their personality is theirs once they reach escape velocity. Empathy and curiosity is brain structure though (the amygdala, broadly speaking).

Drop in U.S. Religiosity Among Largest in World - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45916273 - November 2025 (1 comment)

Catholic Schools and Weekly Mass Aren’t Solving the Retention Crisis - https://www.graphsaboutreligion.com/p/catholic-schools-and-w... - October 15th, 2026 (“Just 58% of People Raised Catholic Are Still Catholic”)

The LDS Church Has a Retention Problem - https://www.graphsaboutreligion.com/p/the-lds-church-has-a-r... - August 6th, 2026 (“Just a bare majority of kids raised LDS are still LDS as adults (54%)“)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48634883 (additional citations)

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