So far Ubuntu LTS isn’t picking up the new packages for me via apt update, and Laravel Forge appears completely unresponsive as a result of being flooded by people trying to update their servers.
Going to migrate the box to Debian in-place. (Or Gentoo, the way things are currently going.)
I realised that my linode and ovh vm's point at local mirrors not direct to ubuntu, I guess that's why the delay
Edit: Linode just updated its mirror.