The maid can just swap out the laptop for a diff one.
You're in here shitting on TPM but don't seem to understand the threat model at all.
Now, to be clear, I don't think this negates TPM-sealed disk encryption or TPM-and-PIN sealed disk encryption; they're still meaningfully better than the alternatives (with a passphrase alone, your data is already compromised regardless in this invented scenario, and all scenarios are equally variable to the swiss-cheesiness of UEFI firmware unless it is replaced). But it is a valid model.