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Comment by bluefirebrand | Hacker News Reader

I wish I had this sort of temperament

Cognitively I know it's better to just focus on the future and what I'm doing but I really struggle to walk by stuff without engaging. It's a flaw I'm aware of and am trying to work on, but it feels impossible to get where I want to be

It does not help that I am nearing 40 and the past "things I am hoping for" have never really worked out how I wanted. I think it becomes harder and harder to hope when your hopes have been squashed frequently in your life

It's a real privilege to have a life where things actually work out close to how you want them. Hard work alone does not get you there

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> I wish I had this sort of temperament

I think this is part of the problem. You think it’s a temperament, but it’s actually a skill, and skills can be developed.

Like all skills, developing it will be often difficult, frustrating, and uncomfortable, so when it’s like that you have to recognise that as part of the process. You’ll think you’re going against your nature when, in reality, you’re simply experiencing the tribulations of learning a new skill.

Source: 50 year old man who used to throw many stones at dogs on a much more regular basis.

Sure, but like all skills different people will have different aptitude and ability to actually learn and adapt it

That doesn't mean I don't try, but I'm just aware that certain things get under my skin and set me from 0 to 100 faster than I can take a deep breath and keep my cool

In public face?

Even if this was a mantra for royalty, I am positive that amongst peers and private lessers they will lose their cool and demeanor.

Presenting a demeanor to a subset of humanity is much easier than the whole; on account of the loneliness acting 100% of the time presents. Code switching is pretty inate to humans, it would seem.

> a life where things actually work out close to how you want them

This is almost nobody, by the way. It's another one of the illusions that has gotten worse with social media.

Yeah, that's why I say it's a privilege. It's not something everyone or even many people get

I think this "temperament" (or whatever you want to call it) _is_ actually a privilege, to be honest. If you have a family and you depend on things to go a certain way to keep your family from being out on the street, you _must_ consider the bads or possible bads of the world. You must allow yourself to be distracted by distractions so you can keep an eye on everything that affects you. To not do so is irresponsible and you put your family and your livelihood at risk.

If I'm sitting pretty on more income than I need with very few obligations, sure, I can just "focus on the path" and "ignore the distractions". But how many people have that luxury?

- Cognitively I know it's better to just focus on the future

I think you should challenge that assumption first. In my opinion, there is a lot of merit to the "Live in the now" philosophy, instead of always ruminating (or contemplating) about the past and the future. Even with goals, I have been often advised to focus more on the tasks / steps to achieve them, rather than the end results.

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