Comment by jdbernard | Hacker News Reader

Comment by jdbernard | Hacker News Reader

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Even if the wife was the instigator and the boss an inept husband, a person of integrity should draw a clear line when it comes to someone who is still in a marriage relationship. The fact that this was his boss's wife makes it all the more damning that he entered into an affair with her. If you have any morals at all you make sure the existing marriage is over before you pursue any kind of intimate relationship.

> Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with.

So your argument is that because there is someone out there with no integrity, it makes it alright for him to act without integrity? And that should not affect his work relationship with his boss?

> The wife was the one who took a vow to remain faithful, not the employee.

If we really value honesty and loyalty, then we cannot excuse him for going behind his boss's back and helping his wife break her marriage vows. If keeping your promises is something we value, then we cannot excuse him for actively helping someone break one of the most important promises in their life.

The wife is definitely at fault, but if you value honesty and trustworthiness then the employee was at indisputably at fault too. I find it mind boggling that people would stand up for this guy.

His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee.

Why is anyone 'at fault'? The marriage was clearly over (despite not being officially over). It would be great to see a post from the wife and employee's perspectives. I am sure it would be something like: "the marriage was over and we fell in love, everything is wonderful, I hope he keeps his job and my ex-husband/boss doesn't fire him/me out of spite". I also think it is telling that he is continuing to call her "his wife" still after she has left him.

As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.

> His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee.

This order of events is incorrect from the OP.

> Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. ... My wife has since left me.

It is undermined not incorrect.

His wife may have already told him it was over years ago and she literally left after the event. Or perhaps the event caused the divorce. Either way it is an 'affair' from his perspective.

Many people live together for years after it is clearly a failed marriage.

I was also not stating the order of the events, rather the facts of the events. The order is of little importance here. She has left him for this other man. That is her choice to make.

The marriage was clearly over...

That depends on perspective but regardless of that, you don't have any information to support this. The man calls the woman "his wife", because he is still married to her. He says "she has since left me" which indicates that they were together at the time of the affair.

As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.

Well isn't that fantastic. I would get rid of both of them as soon as possible. Once someone betrays you, they will do it again and again.

> The marriage was clearly over (despite not being officially over).

It is not clear that the relationship was over. A relationship involves two parties. If both parties are not clear that it is over, then it is not over. This is why formal divorce is important. It marks a clear end to the relationship with no room for misunderstanding or confusion. If they created the relationship with a formal marriage commitment then it is unethical to move on until there is a formal divorce, or at the very least a clear and communicated separation and intent to break the relationship. Now if she did everything she could to secure a divorce and he refused her, then it is a different story, but there is no evidence that this is the case here.

It is no longer just her choice to make. When she entered into the marriage relationship, she made a commitment to her husband. She made a promise. It is no longer just her choice.

This is a stretched analogy, but ethically similar, I believe: If I enter into a contract with a service provider (marriage relationship) and as part of their commitment to me they promise a certain level of service (fidelity), then they are obligated ethically to provide that level of service as long as they are within this contractual relationship. Unless we have written into the contract that either party can dissolve the relationship at any time without notice--uncommon for this kind of contract and extremely uncommon for marriage--then they are in the wrong if they choose unilaterally to end the relationship and fail to meet their committed level of service.

This is why adultery is often illegal. The only argument I can think of for making adultery legal is that we do not want the government this involved with people's personal lives. It may not be in fashion, but I firmly believe there is no moral or ethical justification for adultery.

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